Summary: How slow is evolution, anyway?
the proof of living that you gave me
He’s lived his whole life in the shadow of fate. Asking when he started questioning humanity is like asking him what it was like to outgrow his first pair of shoes.
To live the way we do, Sarah told him, you must always remember what you’re fighting for. Sometimes, John thinks she forgets that rule—but maybe he has it wrong. Maybe her reasons aren’t in the future and rooted with the resistance. Maybe her reasons are forever anchored in her maternal instincts.
When he was twelve, John unfolded a paper and saw the headline Mother of Two Drowns Children. The article flashed in his mind when he laid on top of Cameron, hand under her bare breast, feeling for damage. With his face just breaths from hers, close enough to feel the mild warmth of her lips, he reminded himself that deep down, she wanted him dead.
“I know it’s lonely being John Connor,” Cameron told him, her voice soft and empty. It was probably a mannerism designed to confuse him. If so, it worked. At the end of the day, he wants her with him no matter where he has to go to find her, and he has no idea what that means.
He watches the soldiers milling around without looking at him. Not for the first time, he misses the weight of the detonator around his neck. He remembers when she handed it to him, the remaining heat on the metal as the watch dropped into his hands. He remembers her voice, quiet but missing the matter-of-fact beats she seemed to be trying for, when she told him how simple she had made it for him to kill her.